The Official K Chronicles and (Th)ink Website

*HERE’S SOME GREAT FEEDBACK ON THE FERTILITY DRUGS COMIC:

I like your comic, I really do, but after reading that one about the fertility drugs, I think you need to be educated on some reality about childlessness in the US.

First of all, I’m pregnant after over FOUR YEARS of trying (with one baby, not an explosive litter, thanks…you’re playing on a stereotype of people who have massive litters of kids, yet I know from reading your comic for years that you don’t like stereotypes being applied to yourself). That was four years of heartache, depression, and much physical pain at the treatments.

So why did I do that instead of adopting?

First and foremost, it was cheaper. Even without health insurance covering it, IVF cost us $10,000. Adoption would have cost us about $15,000 plus travel costs. Why so much? Because we live in the state of Nevada, where state infant adoptions are closed because of a long waiting list (over seven years), and where until late 2004 (when we were already doing IVF), you had to be a long-standing member of a religious organization in order to adopt through an in-state agency.
That’s right…without a signed letter from clergy stating that we’d been going to a registered church, synagogue, or mosque for at least six months, we couldn’t adopt here. Minimum fees for adopting out of state start at about $15,000. Even in-state it generally costs $6,000 to $8,000. That’s because you’re paying for the birth mother’s health care. See, women with health insurance almost overwhelmingly do NOT give up babies for adoption.

Now, as the nice lady at the LDS adoption center told me, we could have just faked going to a church long enough to get the letter. Or, Metropolitan Community Church will sign such letters for anyone because they’re morally opposed to the regulation.

But see, we have ethics. We didn’t feel it was right to lie to a church, or to an adoptive mother. If she wants her kid raised with a particular religion, we’d be unethical liars to fake it long enough to take that kid.

So…what was our best option? Spend $10,000 and go for IVF? Or spend $15,000 and adopt out of state? Keep in mind adopting also requires oh-so-fun things like a home study, where a stranger comes into your house and decides if you’re good enough to be parents, even though birth parents can be total friggin’ asshats and never have to worry. You have very limited rights as an adoptive parent. Would we have to put all of the D&D stuff into hiding? Would we have to cover up our very liberal ideology, what with our anti-war rhetoric, our pro-gay-rights talk, and our collection of Mike Moore’s movies and books? Would we be excluded because they wouldn’t be able to interview our families in person, since we’re both immigrants?

And all that would have actually been easier on us than most, since we weren’t fussy about race. Those who want white babies have a longer wait, more strict hoops to jump through, and generally pay more.

Having a fertility problem is a MEDICAL condition. I’m sure you’re a nice guy who didn’t mean to be hurtful, but would you seriously go up to a woman who’d had breast cancer and tell her off for having reconstructive surgery after a mastectomy? I mean, I’m sure that money could have gone to a better social cause! No, of course you wouldn’t. That’d be cruel and insensitive.

Would you wave a plate of fudge in front of a diabetic and mock them for not being able to eat it? No. That’d be mean and pointless.

Would you go up to a blind dude and tell him not to worry, at least he looks cool in those dark specs? No. That’d be ridiculous.

When you mock infertility and point to adoption like that, it’s the same thing. You’re taking someone else’s medical condition and treating them like they’re guilty of something for choosing what was best for them.

And furthermore, have you adopted? You say, “It’s good for you, it’s good for the environment.” Okay. You first.

Because frankly, I’m getting quite sick of couples who haven’t adopted telling those of us who underwent infertility treatments that we’re the bad guys. It’s cruel. It’s rude. It’s insensitive. It’s hypocritical.

If you haven’t been there, what gives you the right to slam others who have?

Not cool.

— K, author, crafter, left-wing activist

(*I STILL BELIEVE ADOPTION IS A GOOD THING!!-Keef)